Summer's End

October 6, 2018

Green leaves on trees have changed to orange, yellow and brown. Oak seeds are falling to the ground.

I remember walking with you to your chickens one summer day. I thought you'd stay in my life forever. I was so little and you were so tall. It took my whole arm to reach up and grab your hand.

I am sitting on a bench. The air and wooden seat are cold while the ground is wet. Leaves are scattered beneath my feet.

I desire to carve pumpkins with a loved one, and to eat Thanksgiving with my family and a significant other.

A man and a woman are running side by side down a hill in front of me with a white dog in toe wagging its tail.

I desire to spread love with those who have fallen away before and during this season of change.

I walk to a grey car, open the door, sit down and place my hands on a steering wheel.

But I know roses will surely bloom in the spring.

Release of Essence

 

Sad flowers live in this flower field
With pain and disappointment that is hard to conceal.

The air is defeated and desires connection
But was previously met with little reflection.

The trees feel guilty and wish they did more

But they were unable to open that door;

However the earth does love this flower field
And loves that nothing is sealed
 
Away in isolation.
And now she begins to feel no hesitation

Because she knows that she is free
And at peace to be able to see

The seasons of the past and present
And to slowly let go of resentment

To live in the world of her dreams
Where everything is as good as it seems.

A Portrait of My Soul

If I were to paint a picture of my soul, I would say:
 
I am a warrior princess in the year 1842. I am wearing a beautiful blue dress, and my hair is braided and pinned into a bun.

I try my best to be kind and polite to other people, but I will not hesitate to fight others for a cause that I believe in. I will fight others with a sword in order to protect my friends, family and other loved ones. I will fight to protect my kingdom.

I have been wounded and at times almost died. I have even killed others and I mostly do
    not regret it. The only part about killing that I regret, however, is for the pain it has  
    caused their loved ones.

    I know I may seem tough and free spirited, but deep down I love beautiful flowing dresses,
    flowers, laughing, playing like a child and being protected at times by a handsome
    romantic person. 

    I love to love and to be free.

To My Future Self

                                                                                                               February 16, 2018


Dear Future Self,

Are you happy? What are you doing right now? Did you find a significant other who loves you? Is it Sai or is it someone else?

Currently as I write this it's 3:30 pm, but I get ready for work in a half hour. I work as a housekeeper for the hospital. I have two male roommates. I know Glen the best right now; he's pretty cool.

I suppose you don't need me to tell you this, but look for happiness within yourself. A relationship isn't about finding someone who makes you feel good all the time and so you cling to those good feelings; A relationship is finding someone who you can share your love with. You are suppose to love and feel good with yourself so you don't have to find someone else to cling to.

I currently wish I could go fishing, hiking, camping or even walking with loved ones. I'd love to walk along a quiet stream, lake or ocean with someone and a skip a rock across it while laughing and talking with them and/or someone that I love. Have you found those people yet?

Where have you traveled to? I want to go somewhere I've never gone before. I  want to be with loved ones as I travel. I also want to take my dad on a trip somewhere. I know he'd love that. I don't know where I'd go exactly with him, but maybe we could see the ocean. I've never been before, but I think it'd be nice. I want to smell the ocean air. I want to feel the grainy texture of the sand as it runs through my fingers. I want to find things washed up from the ocean. I want to see landscapes, buildings and animals I have never seen before.

Oh, do you have any pets? For a long time, my goal has been to get a couple kitties. I can't get one at this current apartment, but I still would like them one day.

Anyway, I hope you know how much I love you and how awesome you are. You made it far in life and you have accomplished a lot. Don't feel bad about yourself or about things that may be going on in your life. You'll make it through any problems and challenges that you face -- You've done it before :).

Wishing you love and wellness,

Past Self

Acceptance

June 5, 2016

I am walking on a sidewalk of a concrete jungle. I feel as if I do not belong here.

Green field appears before me.  No one is there. I make my way to the pavilion and sit at a wooden table. The wind is calm. Birds are chattering around me.

I see a man without a shirt playing basketball on a faraway court. He is near a red slide. Another man is walking to the middle of the field. He sits down and begins to read. He is wearing a blue jacket.

I wonder how many students come here to study.

People are walking down the sidewalk near the basketball court.

On the same court, but at a different basket, are now two young women. One of them is dribbling and makes the shot.

I feel homesick.

I look down. There is a giant crack in the cement on one side of all three tables.

I notice a tree next to the pavilion. I walk in front of it and look up. There is a nest in the branches. The call of the birds grows louder.

The wind is picking up even more. I sit down again at the table in my blue sweater coat, blue jeans and black shoes.

The wind is getting worse and it makes me glad that I have my hair tied back in a ponytail.

The wind is a little cold, too.

I always think of one friend when I go on these walks. We lost touch a long time ago. I reached out to her again and she never replied. I wish we could stay friends forever.

Someone is driving a boat shaped Go-Kart in circles on the street to my right. The man is still reading in the field, while the man on the court misses the shot and the women are no longer playing basketball.

Like characters in a book, people come and go.
 
The man on the court puts on a shirt.

I make my way back onto the sidewalk. I see clouds to the left and blue sky to the right.

A new chapter is coming. I can see it.